Living without him
by Ana Pereira
Summary: Danny's dead and now, Lindsay has to learn how to live without him. DL. Beta'ed by 5t4c3y.
1. Chapter 1

Lindsay Messer sat on her bed. She had tried to sleep, but she just couldn't close her eyes. Every time she did she would see his last day, the day he left her, the day he left the world…

_**1 year ago:**_

_Lindsay woke up all by herself. She got up and started looking for her__ husband of 3 years, but she couldn't find him. She went to the kitchen and noticed a note he had left her earlier:_

** Montana, baby,**

**Sorry I left you – I know how you hate to wake up alone – but I got up at 4am and you looked beautiful sleeping, just like an angel.**

**I left you breakfast ready and a little, simple flower, just like on our 'Snow Day'. You didn't think I'd forget, did you? 6 years ago you would wake up alone on my pool table. Can you believe that 6 years had already pass since that day? It seems like it was yesterday. I just wanted to tell you that I hadn't forgotten our date and that I love you so, **_**so**_** much. I will love you forever Lindsay, my Montana.**

**Your Cowboy, D.**

_She smiled and picked up the small flower, just like she did 6 years ago. She couldn't believe in her life__ she had found the most amazing man in the world that made her the happiest woman ever._

_Sometimes he would surprise __her preparing romantic dinners, secretly convince Mac to give both of them the day off, put roses on her desk. Was it those simple things that made her love him more, and more?… _

_At 12am Lindsay walked in__to the break room, Danny was supposed to buy them food and join her. 30 minutes later Danny still hadn't shown up, and Lindsay was starting to get worried. After a 1 hours wait, Lindsay picked up the phone and dialled Danny's number. There was no answer. She then dialled Stella's, Hawkes', Mac's, even Adam's and Sid's number. Nobody had seen him._

_Her cell phone started ringing. Thinking it was Danny she answered it…but it was Flack._

"_Monroe"_

"_Lindsay, I…" Flack couldn't believe what he was going to say. He knew Danny for more than 10 years now and he never thought he would have to say this to his best friend's wife._

"_What's up, Flack? Have you seen Danny?" Silent tears were coming down his face. He couldn't believe that his best friend had just got shot. He knew how much Lindsay loved Danny. They were inseparable. He knew that maybe she wouldn't make it, he knew that she would never be the same. He's scared of what she may do._

"_Don, what happened to Danny? Where's he? I want to see my husband!"_

"_He… He got shot. I'm so, so sorry, Lindsay. I tried everything I could to stop the bleeding but there are a lot of chances of him not waking up. I shouldn't have left him alone. I'm so sorry." Lindsay was crying at this point. She couldn't believe that she may lose the person that she loves most in her life._

"_Where i__s he?__" __Don told her in which Hospital he was in and she rushed there as fast as she could._

_2 hours passed and the members of the team had slowly joined them. They all came face to face __with a doctor._

"_How is he__?" Lindsay asked fearing the worst._

"_I'm sorry Mrs Messer but your husband didn't make it. I'm so sorry."_

_Lindsay's world collapsed and she ran away. When she came back she was surrounded by her co-workers. She got up and when she remembered all that happened she started crying._

May 26 2013 would be forever in Lindsay's memory. The day that Lindsay Messer started living without him, without her everything, without Daniel Messer.


	2. Chapter 2

Lindsay came home after a work day. It had been an extremely hard day. Normally she was so focused on her work that she would only remember him when she got home… at their home. She would look around and remember their first night together, she would remember their last night together. During the day she did everything. She tried hard to think about her case, and not let her personal life affect her professional, just like she had promised Mac after Danny's death.

That was not what happened today, she remembered him all day, all because of her case. She was working in what looked like a double homicide – 1 male and 1 female – found dead in the woman's apartment. Turned out she had problems trusting people and he wanted to be more than 'just friends' with her and she wasn't ready. She pushed him away and moved to Manhattan – they were from Staten Island originally. He followed her; she said she wouldn't be with him as long as she lived. Well, he took that too seriously… and put a bullet in her head, killing himself after.

It wasn't how he killed, or why he killed her, it was the way things started: 2 co-workers that became friends and had a great chemistry. That reminded her so much of Danny and herself.

She thought about him all day, and it was painful, but the worst part was coming back to her apartment, and it being so empty, like something was missing. The worst thing was all the wonderful memories coming back at the same time. Every time they made love, every time she woke up with her head on his chest, his arms around her and all she could do was watch him sleep, every time he said he loved her and that she loved him back, when he proposed, every kiss, every hug, every time she was scared that she might lose him and he told her that he would always be there for her... _Liar_.

She started crying. She always had known better, she always known that her happiness wouldn't last forever, it was a matter of time. And what hurts her the most is that everyone pretends that Danny never existed. She knows that every time Stella wants to get her off home and go to a bar is for her own sake. Stella doesn't know how much it hurts her to move on. Move on. Lindsay will always have only on man in her life, and his name was Daniel Messer.

-------------The End----------


End file.
